“Ok, time is up – make the call!!”
My inner voice was firm with myself as I watched the clock tick to 10:00am. That was the appointed time I gave myself to make the fateful call that I had been praying about. My flesh dreaded this call, my soul longed for it. I knew this admission had to be done and would lead to healing, reconciliation and a new start to a very unhealthy relationship.
This conversation was very different from ones before. This time, I was the unkind one. I was unmerciful, uncompassionate, and relentless with sharing my strong opinion, about
E V E R Y T H I N G.
Until just a few months ago, I was pretty confident in justifying my actions too. I was older, had more experiences, knew more and just wanted the best for him. So for decades, I overly shared my “wisdom” and judgment.
What I ended up doing was damaging a very sacred bond between a sister and a brother.
God was gracious to me through the revelations of my older sister ways. The truth He revealed was not pretty, but necessary to be seen. I began connecting the dots and seeing what I had done over the years; I just crumbled into my Heavenly Father’s arms in grief. How could I have been so wrong?
Oh how lost we can be at times, yet believe we stand so righteously. How many times has a flick of pride orchestrated itself into a fable of gigantic proportions?
Humbly I bent my knee. My whispered breath and broken heart displayed. Without pause or consideration, My Heavenly Father lovingly forgave me. How difficult that moment was, not just because I admitted how wrong I was but rather it was as if with new eyes I saw for the first time how hated we are by our enemy and what lengths he will take to destroy us and the ones we love.
My heart spilled over with grief, mostly over my actions, but in that moment there also was exposed to me, a grief for those lost within themselves. It is wise to remember we have an enemy. As many know, an enemy is best effective when he goes unnoticed. Our enemy remains in the shadows of our lives and whispers our justifications, feeds our pride and attacks our weaknesses.
However, we need not surrender to a defeat or remain lost. There is One who has gone before us, fought for us and carries us. Deuteronomy 1:29-31 “Then I said to you, “Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.”
God’s light shining in the corners of our lives frees us from any grasp our enemy tries to bind us in. His truth gives us the confidence to take bold steps toward our freedom. His light reflects His grace when our actions need to be corrected.
It’s not easy to admit we were wrong, it’s even harder to carry the weight of our unforgiveness. However, the peace we seek when we are found at this crossroad can only be found when we humble ourselves to admit our wrongs and accept the forgiveness God freely gives to us. That road my friend will take us on an amazing journey of healing, hope and a new found happiness!
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